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August 01, 2007



I think it may be common sense that a child benefits from having both male and female role models. I'm not sure that necessarily means it must optimally be a mother and a father.

Benjamin Sternke

It's not very popular to say it, but I agree with you. There is something about having a missing father that severely impairs many young men. I think the crisis is worsened by the fact that the "other" role models young men have to look to in the absence of a father are no longer uncles and other men of a community that they know. Instead they look to celebrities, with disastrous results, because the image that is portrayed is never an authentic reflection of the real person.

Dana Ames

In agreement, but augmented: Loving, caring father and mother attuned to the good of one another and their children.

Simply having a male person and a female person in the household isn't the point, and I think you left that unstated because it's "obvious"- but as a teacher you know that simply having two parents doesn't guarantee the child will grow up to be a well-adjusted person, or be free from abuse as a child. And as an adopted person I would also say that good parents are good parents, whether they're the biological ones or not.

Sure wish I could get down to Ventura to meet you- so near -about nine hours driving time, but in California that's not much :) -and yet so far... Have a great time at Soliton.



Sternke (above) makes a good point that not just anyone will do.
It seems recent developments in child psychology indicate that boys begin pulling away from socially defined "feminine" roles and behavior much earlier than 12. Even around 3-5 yrs. boys exhibit resistance to anything that might get them labeled feminine (e.g. "He throws like a girl."). Research I've seen doesn't suggest that boys with fathers in their homes or lives are any less likely to exhibit this behavior. In fact, most men are so emotionally stunted that they are unable to avail themselves to boys during this time of disidentification with anything feminine for the sake of healthy formation.
Society does such a sound job identifying "masculine" and "feminine" behavior that the only thing that might help boys from becoming violent gang members and girls from becoming Suzie Homemaker are role models of both sexes to help guide them through the formation of a healthy gender identity.

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